Are The Expectations Of Love Realistic?

Evynn Crenshaw and Cole Garber

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Yes; the expectations of love are realistic

It’s almost Valentine’s Day when some people stress about having a lover or not. Because we are all looking for true love, right? You can have love for your parents, your siblings, and best friends, but have you ever been in true “romantic” love? Yes, it’s possible to be in love no matter how old or young you are. Love is what keeps people going.

Sometimes people get infatuation and love mixed up. The definition of infatuation is “an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something”. While “the definition for love is a variety of strong and positive emotional and mental states, the deepest interpersonal affection”. So when you’re infatuated with someone, you might consider them as a good Valentine’s date, but afterward, if you lose that infatuation with them it is no big deal, you don’t have to be with that person. Being in love on Valentine’s day though is amazing. If you have a significant other for V-day and you truly love them, cherish that.

Nobody knows what the future holds for them but if you keep a healthy, loving relationship alive you can control that future of yours. One thing you have to have in your relationship that is vital to keep it going is trust. Trusting your partner shows that they can still be their own person whilst still being in love. Another vital part of a healthy relationship is communication. This ingredient to a healthy relationship allows for clear feelings that you and your partner have communicated, so nobody is left guessing about what to do or what to say.

What I’m really meaning to say is that love does exist. People have this idea of love just leaving you heartbroken and sure sometimes relationships fail but heartbreak can teach you about love.

For the most part, love brings out the best in people. You may end up heartbroken, but that shouldn’t stop you from searching for your soulmate. If you’re a student reading this and you don’t have a significant other, do not worry! Most people find their soulmate in their 20’s, leaving them the rest of their lives to be together if they’re truly the right one, so don’t rush it.

If your heart does get broken you may feel like you never want to love again, but life goes on. I promise everyone reading this that you will find love throughout your life. Love is what keeps us going. Just remember that before you can love another person, you have to love yourself. Only then can you genuinely connect with someone that you want to be with.

 


 

No; the expectations of love are unrealistic

Love knows no bounds… or does it?

At a point of time in which 27% of people find their relationships comfortable or warm and where the divorce rate is at 40-50% as shown by the American Psychological Association, we have very lovey-dovey portrayals of love. We become disappointed by the realities of love.

Senior Nguyen said, “Social media and movies usually say I want my boyfriend to be a tall blonde blue-eyed man, and this tends to lead to disappointment when people don’t get that.” Our portrayals of love mislead us from the truth of the matter: love is difficult, underwhelming and – at times – regrettable.

Couples struggle with the perception of love as portrayed by literature and other mediums, and the reality of what they have in front of them (a mess at best). When you see figures such as Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams from “The Notebook” have a wonderfully fantastic relationship with just a single tough spot, it gives off an impression that love is a happily ever after situation, that once you cross the hill it’s just smooth sailing ahead.

Although, this is simply not true, “The way love is portrayed makes it seem really easy and it comes with a lot of promises and I just don’t buy it.” said by ASB President Evan Olson. Couples constantly have issues, small and big, issues both spoken and unspoken. Yet this does not detract from their love in any way and is a much more accurate look at what love actually is: a journey with many ups and downs, but regardless of this, many often want to continue that journey.

Humans, unnaturally so, stay with their significant other for many decades. Our primary focus as a species is to spread our gene pool, and how we do so is by seeking out more partners. This, of course, leads to issues when it comes to long-term commitment because we – as a species – were never designed to do this. It’s why we have a more difficult time caring about our partners the longer we stay with them, as shown by the Coolidge Effect. Actual love is being able to look beyond the issues (because, oh boy are they there) with your partner, to look beyond the arguments, and to see your partner for what they are: someone that will stay by your side through thick and thin.

“I think love now has to be very overt. It just has to be out there. You have to go demonstrate it. We think it has to be public, but I think there are many other ways to display it,” Mr. Winters said.  Love is seen as dramatic even though the majority of it is subtle, little things.

We have to be realistic with what we think of love and relationships, because if we don’t, then we will be sorely disappointed when the truth rears its ugly head.